Here are a couple thoughts that are Shortbus' Theme Park Ideas:

1. I wanna make a room like a house of mirrors, only it'll be the Hall of High Fives. When you walk in, you just walk down a narrow pathway and people stick their hands out and give you high fives. Quite the morale booster....would be a great attraction in Iraq, don't ya think?

2. The Bowling Ball....you get strapped into a clear ball and shot off toward the pins, depending on the placement and alignment of others, you may get a strike or spare to continue to the next frame, but if you fail, you get submarined into a basement then sent right back up the ball shoot toward a giant plastic, sweaty hand then you get soaked in foul-smelling sweaty water.

3. Political Reverse Talk ride....you're strapped in and you move fast along a track,while watching election speeches, but every time a politician makes an empty promise, you get thrusted right back to the beginning.

Will you ever see the end of the ride?

1. New on Lifetime Network : "Handi-Swap". The first episode features a boy with no legs swapping families with a girl who has no arms. Who's handicap will prove to be harder to manage?

2. You smell like an orange dancing in an apple orchard.

3. It feels like Old Man Winter himself is blowing on your ass crack.

4. It would be cool if someone were to advertise to hold a circus. Then when everyone arrives, they announce a bomb threat and tell everyone to leave immediately. As everyone leaves they have already changed the sign out front to read, "Flee Circus".

1. I just met Paul Wall....he had me fitted for a propane grill.

2. If the government tampers with tampons, do they play with playtex?

1. If Shangri-La is a Carnival, does God ever play Whack-a-Soul?

1. She looked at me like I stole her porkchop.

2. You know why sorority girls love to shove chicken necks in their nedens? To catch the crabs!!!

3. One time, I climbed on top of a mountain and jumped off...yep, I sure did....oh wait that was a fountain, my bad!

4. No, I swear I payed you. Did the check clear? Nah, the check was clear. that's why you haven't seen it.

1. If you tied 50 helium baloons to your dick, when they fly up, is that technically an erection?

2. You know what drives me nuts? Me cock!!